In training, professionals sometimes ask me about the term ‘queer’. Whilst it is a word that I embrace, as a reclaimed word, not everyone feels comfortable with it. Best practice is to mirror the language that someone uses for themselves. If you feel uncomfortable with the term, you could always say that someone ‘identifies as queer’ rather than saying that they ‘are queer’. In this blog, I will talk about my experiences and relationship with the term.
Embracing Queerness
Embracing Queerness
My experience with the word 'Queer'
When I was at school, ‘queer’ was used as an insult. Being queer meant being different and different was bad. I was brought up in a northeast town and many of my school years were under Section 28. This law prevented teachers from ‘promoting homosexuality’. Words like ‘queer’, ‘gay’ and ‘lesbian’ held shame and stigma and educators could not call it out. My only education on these topics came from church. I learnt that it was a sin and I even remember one youth leaders saying that HIV was punishment from God.
As a child, I learned homophobia, which for a long time I internalised. I assumed I’d eventually settle down with a man. However, when I dated boys and men, it never felt quite right. I also struggled with restrictive gender stereotypes. Over time, I became more and more aware of my queerness and gradually felt safer to express this.
I have so much privilege that when I came out, I was greeted with love and support. I am now happily married to my lovely wife Rosie, and we had a ‘big gay wedding’. However, I am only too aware that many people don’t have this support. This is why I do my job as an LGBTQIA+ Young Person’s Wellbeing Practitioner. I want young people to connect with one another, to find role models and feel less alone.
What does Queer mean to me?
Queer is an umbrella for a range of non-normative gender and sexual identities. To me, it’s about more than just sexuality. It’s about not conforming to stereotypes. It’s about the joy of living freely and authentically, when we can love who we want, dress how we want and act how we want. It’s also word that encapsulates the fluidity of experience. It’s a word steeped in history, with ‘queer theory’, queer activism and tv shows such as Queer Eye.
‘Queer’ is about connection to the wider LGBTQIA+ community. I am saddened by the spread of anti-trans rhetoric, the way the media fuels hatred and division, scapegoating already marginalised groups. There is talk of the ‘trans lobby’, ‘wokeism’ and ‘gender ideology’. There are dehumanising comments from politicians, centring on anatomy. Meanwhile, there has been an exponential rise in transphobic hate crimes. Trans young people feel unsafe in schools and are frequent targets off bullying and discrimination.
Trans people have always existed and have been central to the battle for inclusion with women such as Marsha P Johnson and Silvia Riviera fighting for all our rights at Stonewall. However, even within the community, things have become fragmented. Young people have asked me why their existence is political and why they have become the centre of a ‘debate’.
Being queer to me is about being part of a movement which values freedom. It is about doing what I can to make sure everyone feels safe. For me, this pride month is a chance to celebrate the positive changes, but also to reflect on the ongoing challenges for the community, considering the small steps that I can take to promote inclusion.
Happy Pride everyone!
